By: Michelle Cao
* Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault/Sexual Abuse/Sexual Violence/Sexual Harassment *
Disclaimer: I am not a certified mental health professional. My intention of writing this piece was to provide suggestions to those who want to support victims of sexual assault. I understand that this is an urgent and serious issue, and I by no means intend on offending or being insensitive about this topic. I am open to confrontation and learning to further understand this issue and being a better ally for victims of sexual assault.
In light of the Me Too movement, it is especially important to raise awareness and address the issue of sexual assault, misconduct, and rape culture. Recently, many people have been sharing their stories and experiences of sexual assault and rape. It is in our best interest to support them and help them get through this painful and difficult process. Please evaluate each circumstance as a case to case scenario before immediately taking action. Survivors will process this information and trauma in their own unique ways, so please respect their boundaries.
1. Do your research
Many of us may find supporting sexual assault survivors rather challenging, especially if we haven’t experienced it ourselves. To fully understand the destruction and implications of sexual assault, it is crucial for us to openly learn about what it is, how it affects victims, and resources to help with the psychological and legal aspects. Engaging in further research will allow you to better understand the situation and develop empathy and compassion. (I have linked a few resources at the bottom of this article to help you get a head start on researching.)
2. Validate their story and emotions (Explicitly say it too!)
Most victims of sexual assault are in dire need of validation and for people to believe their story. The majority of victims will not go through extensive measures to tell a false story in hopes of seeking attention. Victims often fear coming off as attention-seeking and/or receiving backlash about a “false” experience. Be sure to use reaffirming phrases like “I believe you and I will always support you” or “You are so strong and you will get through this.” Mutual understanding will enable victims to feel more understood and heard.
3. Be present, but also mindful
The journey to recovery is a long and daunting one. There is so much trauma, pain, and even guilt instilled, making it difficult for them to vocalize and get through this stage. Processing this information may take different forms, ranging from isolating themselves to even self-harm and suicide. As a friend or ally, be sure to check up on them frequently and report any signs of self-harm or abuse to trained professionals. Don’t be offended if the victim chooses not to vocalize their thoughts as they may not be ready to disclose and release their trauma. Others, however, may just need you to listen and validate their feelings.
4. Amplify their voice (Only with permission!)
Some survivors are comfortable and ready to share their stories while others may feel it is too painful to write or may need more time to process. Respect their decisions and assure them that you will continuously support and encourage them regardless. If the survivor is ready to speak up, ask if you can help amplify their voice in helping them achieve their goals. Survivors may share their stories for a large variety of reasons, including bringing awareness about their experiences, protecting others from the harasser and pursuing legal actions. Depending on the situation, it may be better to keep their story personal to their friends and families while others pursuing legal action may want their stories publicized and brought to public media. Regardless, be sure to continue supporting and encouraging the survivor, as not every story is taken the right way and may result in backlash. Reaffirm them that they made a brave decision and that their voice matters and needs to be heard.
5. Educate your counterparts
The issue of sexual assault and misconduct is not brought up in conversations as much as it needs to be. Make an effort to have these uncomfortable conversations with people in your circle of influence. Call people out for insensitive comments and false assumptions. Don’t normalize rape culture!
To the survivors of sexual assault: I am incredibly impressed by your strength, bravery, and resilience through this process. There are not many words that can encapsulate the pain and trauma you are feeling, but you are so powerful and will overcome this. Please take this time to recover, as we are all here rooting and cheering you on. If you ever wish to share your story, please go for it because your story and voice matter.
To learn more about sexual violence and ways to help, check out the links below:
Me Too Movement: https://metoomvmt.org/
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: https://www.nsvrc.org/
NYC Alliance Against Sexual Assault: http://www.svfreenyc.org/survivor-resources/
Sources Used:
https://www.purdue.edu/sexual_assault/howtohelp/support-victims.php
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-support-a-victim-of-sexual-assault-4783541
https://www.bustle.com/articles/168835-7-little-ways-to-support-sexual-assault-survivors
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