Article by: Vivian Zhi
We all get annoyed at the sounds people make, such as when someone won’t stop clicking their pen during a test or when someone snacks loudly on a bag of chips during the quiet part in a movie. But for people with misophonia, it’s more than that. Misophonia is a disorder where people have abnormally strong and negative reactions to the ordinary sounds humans make. When triggered by a sound, how an individual responds to it varies. Some people may experience annoyance and irritation, while others can fly into a rage or panic attack. For many people, their first episodes of misophonia are triggered by one specific sound, like eating noises or loud breathing sounds, but additional sounds can bring on the response over time. Because this is a relatively new identified disorder, treatment options are limited - and the amount of people diagnosed with misophonia varies per study, but it does seem to suggest it’s more common than you may think.
The main reason I am writing this article is because I have a friend, Laura*, who suffers from misophonia. Her panic attacks didn’t start until the end of grade eight, and for a whole year, I didn’t know she had it. It wasn’t until one day I was taking a washroom break during class, when I saw her eating alone in the hallways with her headphones on - that was when I found out. Laura told me that the sound of people eating and loud noises caused these episodes to happen, and that’s why she ate alone. The next day after school, Laura, a few other friends and I were hanging out when the vice principal wheeled a cart full of leftover pizza from the staff meeting. Everyone but Laura immediately rushed over to grab a slice and started eating. When one of my friends offered a slice to Laura, she declined in a shaky voice. I looked up, and her face had gone pale. She was hugging her knees and her hands were shaking badly. No one else in that group knew about her misophonia and were oblivious to what she was silently going through right now. But I knew, and here I was, eating a slice of pizza in front of her. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten a day after she told me. I felt terrible. Helpless. An inconsiderate friend.
And what’s more, I had been in her classes for both semesters last year, and I hadn’t noticed a single sign that she might be struggling. We had eaten in the cafeteria most of the time together, and that place was filled with loud noises and people eating. I knew people suffered from mental illnesses, and it was likely that some of my friends struggled with one too, but that was the first time in my life where the person who was suffering was close to me.
While I’m not a medical expert nor do I suffer from misophonia, my experiences with Laura have taught me some things I should do to help people with misophonia out. My hope is that if your friends or family have misophonia as well, you will find these tips helpful.
Don't tell someone to just ignore it. That’s the equivalent of telling a deaf person to listen to you speak. It’s not helpful, so don’t do it.
Understand it’s not your fault. You might accidentally trigger someone with misophonia, and that is inevitable, no matter how many precautions you take. It’s natural to feel guilty about it, but don’t be too hard on yourself.
Be considerate and mindful. Instead of eating my lunch in front of Laura, I eat it somewhere else with another group of friends before joining her for the rest of the lunch period. That way, I won’t accidentally trigger a reaction, and she doesn't have to spend her lunch period alone.
Remain calm and level during an episode. The best way to help them calm down and reset is to try to be patient and understanding. Let them know you’re there for them and that you don’t think they’re ‘stupid’ or ‘weird’. Try to speak softly and calmly and without judgement until the moment has passed.
Give them space but let them know that you’re there if they need you. Like all of us, sometimes people just want to be alone when stressed, angry, or anxious. However, being a good friend and a willing listener for others is probably one of the most helpful things you can do because we all need a friend to turn to.
*real name changed to protect anonymity
Beautifully written, Vivian.